Emmett's Moments
by Wings of the Jay
Summary: Emmett has these random moments where you wonder how he could possibly be a vampire. I have come up with a few short ones.
1. Ice Cream

Emmett's Moments

**Emmett has these random moments where you wonder how he could be a vampire. I have come up with a few short ones. Hope you enjoy them!**

**-Alice**

Emmett sat on the ground with his chin on his knees. He was bored. Not a good thing for Emmett, that's when he did his best scheming.

Suddenly, in the distance there was a soft tinkling. Emmett jumped up and looked wildly around for the source of the sound.

"Emmett, what are you doing?" Rosalie asked, flipping through a fashion magazine.

"IT'S THE ICE CREAM TRUCK! " Emmett screamed and crashed through the glass door that separated him from the outside. More like it protected the world from his stupidity.

"Esme's not going to be happy." Rosalie sighed and followed him out.

Emmett raced in the direction of the music screaming, "I SCREAM, YOU SCREAM, WE ALL SCREAM FOR ICE SCREAM."

It didn't take long for him to come in sight the colorful truck, but when he saw it, he slowed down to a human running speed. Rosalie rolled her eyes and muttered something under her breath that sounded like "Was Emmett dropped on his head when he was a baby?"

"Wait for meeeeeeeeeeeee!" Emmett pleaded, still running at human speed. The truck did not slow, and Emmett started to 'pant'.

Rosalie stopped trying to follow him and sat on the curb, her head in her hands. "Why did I marry an idiot? Why? Why?" She mumbled. "Can't he realize that he doesn't eat? Or maybe that he can actually catch up to it."

The truck finally slowed for a little boy and his mom. "Finally." Emmett panted as he caught up to the truck. He searched his pockets, then swore loudly, "I forgot the money!"

The mom looked horrified at his language. "Young man," She scolded "Do you kiss you mother with that mouth?" Then she whacked him over the head with her carpetbag.


	2. Shoot Me Now

Emmett's Moments

**BPOV (Bella's Point of View)**

Edward and I sat at the back of the classroom. It was the first time going to High School since I had been changed, and I had enough self control not to kill everyone in the room. The Principal, Mr. Whats-it-face AKA, the guy I had never taken the time to learn his name, was standing at the front of the classroom, talking.

"Okay class, Mr. Dingforty is not coming today, so we are going to have a substitute teacher. He just got out of High School, but has a talent for teaching, please respect him."

And with that, he left the classroom.

"You think we can convince the sub, that it's national ditch day today?" I asked him under my breath.

He smiled and ruffled my hair, "Bella, if our other teachers didn't believe it, then the substitute surely won't."

I sighed then turned my attention to the front of the classroom, where the teacher had just walked in. I nearly fell out of my seat, which I hadn't done in a long time. "Emmett?!" I choked out.

He grinned at me, a big goofy grin, "Hey little sis!"

I groaned and lay my head on Edward's shoulder. "Please shoot me know."

"I'm sorry love, if you were human I wouldn't, but since you're a vampire it really wouldn't do anything." He murmured into my hair.

"Hey! You two lovebirds in the back! This isn't chemistry!" Emmett barked, but he was still grinning. My face would have been bright red if I had still been human.

Another person who I hadn't taken the time to learn their name, rose her hand timidly, "Um, sir?" She said, "Um, but this _is _chemistry…"

"Oh, really, then we shall learn about the wonderful world of-"

"Wait!" Edward yelled hastily, "We haven't learned your name yet!"

"Silly, Eddie! You already know what my name it! But for the lesser fortunate…" He turned toward the board and wrote jaggedly, 'Mr. Wiggles'. **(Alice: Whoever has read my IMing story of the Cullens would know where this came from)**

_WAM! _My head hit the desk in front of me, "Why is Emmett such and idiot?" I muttered over and over again.

"Bella-" Emmett was about to scold me when a new person walked in.

"I'm sorry for being late, I got stuck in traffic. I'm your su—" The guy who must have been our real substitute stopped, when he took notice of Emmett standing at the front of the classroom looking stupid. Not a hard thing for Emmett to do.

"Who the heck are you.?"

"THE TOOTH FAIRY!" He screamed and made a great dash for the door.

**There's the next chapter! Thank you to those who have reviewed you guys all get a gold sticker! sticks sticker to the forehead of all of the reviewers Muhahahahaha!! Littler did you know those had super glue on it!**

**-Alice**


	3. SUGAR!

Emmett's Moments

Emmett sat on the couch on, flipping through channels on the TV. He stopped at a sports channel. They were showing a football game that he took no interest in, and instead he just stared at the wall.

"Emmett, what the heck are you doing?" Jasper said, stopping in the doorway. Emmett didn't answer, he just kept staring at the wall.

Jasper sighed and wondered off, muttering something under his breath that sounded like, "His brain has finally fried."

Suddenly a commercial came on, advertising a snack food. Only did the end caught Emmett's attention. It gave a warning that the item contained a high amount of sugar.

"Esme," Emmett started, for she had just walked in, "What's sugar?"

"Well dear," Esme said, she was basically the only one who regarded Emmett, not as an idiot, but as a person in need, "It is a thing humans eat."

"Is it good?"

"Is any human food good?" With that, Esme walked out of the room.

_Human food is good, especially peanut butter, mmmmm. Let's go get sugar!_

He got up from the couch and paced, wondering where one would find sugar.

"At a super market, dumbo." Edward said as he passed the room.

_How can he do that, it's no like he can--ohhhh._

**At the super market:**

"Can I help you sir?" A saleslady asked Emmett.

"Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm…. Where can I find sugar?" Emmett said stupidly.

"Down this aisle, somewhere on the left."

Emmett quickly down at his hands, one making an L the other making a backward L.

"Thanks!" He said brightly, and skipped off down the aisle.

"Sugar… Sugar…. SUGAR!!!!!!!!" He screamed, finding a HUGE bag of it.

He ran to the check out lanes, but when the check out dude tried to take the sugar away from him to check out Emmett clutched it to his chest and screamed, "MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Then he ran out of the store, setting off the alarm.

**Back at the house:**

"WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Oh. My. Carlisle. What the heck is going on?!" Alice screamed, as she walked into her closet.

Clothes were strewn everywhere, make-up was splattered on the wall, and Emmett stood there grinning stupidly. He was wearing one of Alice's SMALLER dresses, which barely covered up his private parts, and he had lipstick smeared across his face.

"WHAT DID YOU DID?!" Alice roared.

"Sugar…" Emmett crooned.

**This chapter was tied sorta into my IMing story. Hope you liked it! OH! And also a big thank you to all the reviewers!**

**-Alice**

**Also, from now on I'm going to try and answer all of my reviews.**


	4. Car Chase

**The POV is Third Person Omniscient…**

A large Jeep swerved raggedly down the almost deserted highway. The little cars that it did pass had to pull off the road just to avoid it. The driver was a big burly guy who would look a lot tougher if he wasn't singing "I'm a little teapot" at the top of his lungs.

Suddenly a police car pulled out behind it. Emmett just giggled and stepped on the gas. The car rocketed forward, leaving the police car in the dust.

'What the…?' The police man, whose name happened to be Bob, thought. 'This guy must have stolen something big, but what is there to steal here?'

Bob imitated Emmett and sped up.

'OH!' A thought suddenly crossed Bob's mind 'IT'S MY FIRST CAR CHASE!' And with that he sped up even more so now he was right up to the bumper of the Jeep. Ever so lightly he bumped it.

The Jeep suddenly swerved to the side of the road and stopped dead. Bob had to slam on the breaks to keep the parked car in sight. Carefully he backed his car up so that the large Jeep was at his bumper.

Bob stepped out the car and hitched up his pants, he was going to look tough for whoever he had just pulled over.

The Jeep was so big that the top of his head barely reached the window. "Um, sir? Could you please step out of the car?" He called.

Emmett got out of the car, stumbling a little as his feet touched the ground. "What is it officer?" He asked groggily.

"Have you consumed any alcohol in the past hour?"

Emmett decided to have a little fun. His eyes shot open and his hands flew up as in 'Don't shoot!'

"I sweat to drunk I'm not god!" He mumbled.

"Son, I know you're not god, just answer--hey, wait a minute!" The officer said, slightly flustered. "Hmmmm, your eyes look red, son, have you been drinking?" His eyes weren't red, but the officer was trying to weasel it out of him.

"Hmmm, your eyes look glazed, have you been eating donuts?" Emmett cackled and jumped back into the Jeep.

"Now wait a--" Bob was cut off by Emmett starting the car and driving off, scraping the police car's bumper in the process.

Bob just stood there dumbly, his mouth hanging wide open. A silver Vovlo pulled up and Edward rolled down the window. "Close your mouth, you're gonna catch flies."

**I got the drunk joke things from forwards, so I guess I don't own them... Now I'm really sorry I haven't updated recently, I've been really (really) busy. Nowadays I don't have time to update, so I'm going to put all my stories except one on hiatus, please vote on my poll which one you think I should keep updating.**

**-Alice**


	5. Not Going

Emmett climbed into the driver's side of his Jeep. He had to make a trip to the store for Carlisle. He put key in the ignition and turned it. The engine roared to life and Emmett stepped on the gas. Nothing happened.

Grunting, he pressed harder, still nothing happened.

"Move!" Emmett wailed, but the car stayed still. He took his foot of the gas and was completely silent, the only sound was of the snarling of the engine. Then, suddenly, he stomped down on the pedal.

Nothing happened.

Groaning, he let his head fall onto the wheel.

The door to the garage opened, and Rosalie stepped out. She was carrying a purse and a fashion magazine. About to step into her car, she froze, noticing Emmett for the first time.

"Um, Emmett, what are you doing?" She asked, although she really didn't want to know.

"It won't move!" Emmett screamed, his head still on the wheel.

Rosalie raised an eyebrow, "You do know you have to step on the gas to make it go?"

"I have, but it won't work."

Rosalie sighed and made her way towards Emmett and his Jeep. There she hoisted herself up and looked through the window. She surveyed it for a few seconds, and then she looked at Emmett. "It might help if you put it drive."

A look of awe crossed Emmett's as he put his car into drive, "You're amazing Rose!"

A smile flickered on her face and she flipped her hair, "I've been told that."

Dropping herself down to the ground, she turned back to her car. Before she got in, Emmett hit the gas.

There was a large crash and Rosalie turned to find a gaping hole in the garage door. Emmett had forgotten to open it.

"Esme's not going to be happy."

**There was tie on the poll, so I'm not going to put this story or IMing with da CULLENS! on hiatus. **

**-Alice**


	6. April First

**Yeah, I know it's not April First anymore, but still.**

Emmett poked his head into Carlisle's study. "Carlisle, Esme has something for you downstairs!" He squealed excited and Carlisle turned to face him.

"Really?" He asked in interest. Emmett nodded his large, empty head.

"Yes! So come on!" He grabbed Carlisle's hand and dragged him out of the study and down the stairs. Right before they reached the bottom, Emmett paused and held up a hand. Carlisle stopped alongside him and Emmett peered into the room. Then, with a laugh, he pushed Carlisle into the room.

"APRIL FOOLS!!!!" He screamed at Carlisle. He let out a maniacal laugh and raced off, leaving Carlisle in a room full of Tickle me Elmos.

While he was running he passed Edward, who stopped him in his tracks. "Why is Carlisle screaming like a girl?" He asked raising and eyebrow.

Emmett shrugged and wriggled out of the Edward's grasp, racing off toward a random field where he wanted his next prank to take place.

**In a random field:**

Emmett had found the perfect field it was just big enough for him to accomplish the plan. He set up quickly, then stood back to admire his work.

There, in the middle of the clearing was a chocolate cookie. It was connected to a wire that sprang the machine that chucked syrup-filled-eggs. The person (Emmett had Jacob in mind) would stumble around a bit, trying to avoid the eggs. Then he would trip over a trip wire and fall on his face. The trip wire would trigger a HUGE pie to fall on top of them. The pie is filled with peanut butter, so the victim would be covered with it. Then rabid squirrels would attack them.

It was a perfect plan, and all it needed was Jacob. A large grin on his face, his took out his phone and flipped it open. He dialed Jacob's number and it started to ring.

"Hello?" Jacob answered.

"Hello," Emmett said evilly, "I've got something that you love and if you don't come here it will be gone, FOREVER!"

"Is this Emmett? What sort of prank is this? Wait, do you have Nessie? What will you do to her?

Emmett only laughed evilly into the phone, setting Jacob into a panic.

"Where have you taken her? Where do I need to go?"

Emmett started to give him instructions to the field, "And then you have to take a left at the bunny. And although it may look cute it's not. DON'T TRUST IT! It will start pelting you with carrots if you do!" With that Emmett snapped the phone shut.

It would take a while for Jacob to get there, so Emmett started to hunt. He was caught up in the hunt, so he forgot all about his evil plan. Only when he heard a scream did he remember.

He bolted towards the sound pf the scream, forgetting where the field was. Instead of finding Jacob covered in peanut butter he found him cowering away from the evil bunny.

"Ah! Bad bunny, evil bunny! Get away from me!" Then Jacob took notice of Emmett, "Um, which way do I turn from here?" He asked.

"Ummmmmm right." Emmett said, and proceeded to go left himself. After a few strides a scent reached his nose. "COOKIE!" He screamed and ran toward it.

**Well you know what happens from there. XD Anyway, so sorry for not updating recently. From now on I will try to update every week. If I don't you can pelt me with carrots.**

**-JayLeaf (Alice)**


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